In Memory

Earlier today I was browsing my families blogs, and I came 

my cousin Becca's.  The first thing that caught my attention was the picture of her with my grandma Browning.  Before I even started reading, I realized that today is the day, one year ago, that she passed away.  I have been thinking about her a lot these last few days, and now it makes sense why.  Both Becca, and my sister Jillian have wrote very sweet thoughts and memories about her, and have inspired me to write some of my own.

One year ago, I was expecting my sweet baby Violet.  Grandma was asleep, as she had been for several days, with the help of copious amounts of morphine.  Family had been gathered about for several days, and at least one person had stayed with her every night since Christmas.  We knew minute could be her last, and we anticipated the moment with mixed emotions.  It was somewhat miraculous, and a little puzzling why she had held on as long as she had.  The nurses that stayed at night commented on her endurance, most people go within a day or two of going to sleep, grandma was going on a week.  I don't remember what changed exactly, I was in the front room on the rocking chair embroidering a blanket for Violet, but something changed and everyone that was there got up and went into the room.  I think we could all feel it, these were the last moments.  We waited silently, reverently, but not for long.  As she drew her last breaths, she turned her head slightly, and then unexpectedly, her hand moved ever so slightly, she smiled, and she was gone.  We knew, all of us, that grandpa was there, and that he had taken her to be with him, and that she was happy.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to have been there.  I had often feared being present during the moment of death, not knowing what to expect.  But, this experience was so sweet and peaceful, and my knowledge that life continues after death has been confirmed.  As she left this world, the sweet baby within me moved, and reminded me even more of the plan of salvation, of our purpose here on earth, and my grandma was a living testament of it.  She was an example to me, and to my whole family and I will be forever grateful to her for her acceptance of me into her life and family.

I commented on Becca's blog, that while the women of our family were gathered together, dressing her, and making her pretty, my aunt Susie made a really sweet observation.   She observed that, for many years my grandma had tried to have a daughter and was unsuccessful, seven times unsuccessful.  It was through adoption, after her sixth son that she gained her daughter.  But at that moment, she was surrounded by daughters, her own daughter, her daughters-in-law, her grand daughters, and grand daughters-in-law.  So while it took awhile, she did get her wish, and had more daughters than even she could have imagined, and we all love her so much.

On a lighter note, I just want to tell a quick story, that to me sums up my grandma and her perspective on life.  One Christmas we were gathered together and ready to start singing Christmas Hymns.  The question was posed, who was going to play the piano, and she asked me outright if I would.  I said I would, but only if nobody else would, and she, as quick as a whip, and with heavy sarcasm replied," Well that's the way into the kingdom!"  I don't think she was trying to be funny, I actually think she was serious, and so over the years, when I'm about to forgo an opportunity for growth, this line pops into my head and I can't help but smile, but I also can't help trying a little harder to improve myself, no matter what the task at hand is.  I love my grandma, Lila Jean (Coates) Browning, and I look forward to the day when I see her again.